7 May 2018


Turtle’s debut perfume, Eau de Smörgåsbord of Beetroot, is a unisex fragrance for the sophisticated wearer.

Steeped for twelve minutes, with earthy undertones and the teaspoon taken out, it leaves behind a trailing waft that creates the urge to put the kettle on.

A watercolour illustration of a perfume bottle with pomegranates and flowers

4 April 2018

Just One More Thing

Turtle always softened his interrogative style for Sam. After all, he well understood the overwhelming desire for an Eccles Cake that could lead a tortoise to crime.

A green vintage fedora hat

19 March 2018


After meandering through the heat of a dusty bazaar Turtle found his organic cotton shopper replete with a glorious selection of blended teas. Choosing which to drink first would be quite the challenge, so he put the kettle on and made a pot of builders' brew to help him think.

A Box of 'Daily Brew' tea bags from Polite Society Tea Co

11 March 2018


Striding over the tops of the houses in the cool mist of the morning, Turtle took slow and purposeful steps being careful not to knock any chimney stacks or jostle any roof tiles out of position. It was painfully early and the entire village was still quietly a-slumber, as Turtle felt he should be too.

But, he had business to attend to.

Settling on the vast field that met with the edge of the village, Turtle readied his wooden staff for battle and practiced using his laser vision. And, as the giant bear-like creature emerged from the trees across the field, Turtle let out a mighty roar...

Working away in the office, Monday heard a soft snuffle tumble in from the next room.

He's having that dream again, she thought.

28 February 2018

And the Winner is...

Upon being awarded this year's Everlasting Teapot, Turtle's acceptance speech went thusly:

"Turtle's brew is a brew for two."

But with much more of a 'Jazz' edge to it.

Print of music-themed graphic elements in black and pastel pink.

23 February 2018

With the Greatest of Ease

It wasn't the first time that Turtle had taken flight without making it his intention to do so. Once landed he would of course reel off all the usual remarks about how it had taken him by surprise and how it had only been five minutes earlier that he'd been sat at his kitchen table quietly dining on beetroot. But for now, he'd just enjoy the breeze cascading over his knees. Or whatever the tortoise equivalent.

A beautiful embroidery hoop with a bumble bee on a blue background with white embroidered details. It looks soft, puffy and cute.

26 April 2017

I Challenge You to a Dance Off

Upon hearing the first beat of ‘Give It Up’ by KC and The Sunshine Band, Turtle moved swiftly across the function room to the area assigned for dancing. And without hesitation or trepidation, Turtle threw forth a dance like no other. Because Turtle knew, that when it comes to a dance off, you don’t wait for an invitation. Especially at a wedding.

Mug reads "follow the call of the disco ball"

6 July 2014


Quiet fell upon the garments of the partygoers
as passed by a tortoise wearing a pair of silent trousers.

23 June 2014


Having spoken not a word to the Frenchman, Turtle graciously accepted the proffered ears of corn and added them to his bum-bag. And, without pausing for thanks, away the Frenchman strode thinking only for a fleeting moment about the mechanics of attaching a bum-bag to a tortoise.

25 February 2014

Cat Commands

"Make it so...!" said the undoubtedly portly feline.
And although not the most conventional way to make the request, Turtle obliged and put the kettle on.
After all, he was quite ready for a brew.

24 February 2014

... Turtle's Got Rhythm, How 'Bout You?

With a slight degree of trepidation governing his moves, Turtle danced into the waning sunlight; knowing full well that the end of this Rhumba would mark the stewing of his brew...